Dear Samuel (One Month)

Today you are one month plus 5 days. And what a month and five days it's been.

We started out life with you in a way I never anticipated. I never thought that hours after you were born that you'd be flying away from me in a helicopter. Sam--I felt so sad and tired that night that I was away from your tiny self. I wondered why you were born with something not quite right and felt frustrated that you'd need a big surgery just 24 hours after you came crying into the world.

But, the next day, when I saw sleeping after your surgery, I knew that you were my brave boy. I felt so thankful that the doctors could fix your tummy and esophagus and that you were there with us. I knew God' provision for you and already you are a testament to God's answered prayers.

I hated seeing you wired up, uncomfortable, and hurting. And the worst part about that first week was that I couldn't hold you. But, I did do my best to hold your tiny hand a lot and whisper to you that your momma was there and that she loves you. Goodness, she loves you so much.

Samuel, you had a surprisingly fast recovery and just ten days post-surgery, we tucked your little self into the carseat and took you home. We were so excited to break you out of the hospital and bring you home to your excited brother and cozy home.

Luke was so excited to meet you--this brother that had come, but he hadn't met. He finally got to hold you, love on you, and see what all the fuss about Samuel was about.

Since then, he's done a lot of "loving" you with kisses, hugs, head bangs, and even some licks. He loves to give you your "taxi" and gets worried when you start to cry. I promise we are doing our best to teach him how to be gentle with you, but he's quite fond of being a brother who tests out new "can-I-do-this?" theories everyday. So, you've been pinched, poked in the eye, stepped on, almost bit, pulled, and yanked. I hate to tell you this, but it might be a while before Luke figures out how to handle you. However, maybe someday you'll be bigger than him and can do a little retribution ;)

Growing bigger, you are. I'm not sure of your exact weight, but my guess is that you are close to 10 pounds. Everyday, I see a few new creases appear which tells me that you're going to have some lovely rolls. If there's a time in your life to have rolls, now is the time to grow them. But, I'm not sure that you'll have quite the same "heftiness" as your brother. We'll see!

You are still sleeping and eating pretty well--and finally starting to sleep longer at night, so I'm thankful for that. Do you think you can keep that up? I've also seen a few little smiles, so I think the day that you start really smiling is coming. And I can't wait for that!

Dad and I love to snuggle with you--and you love to be snuggled. You don't mind sleeping in your bed, but often when you are fussy, just being held often does the trick. I think that you may be my snuggler.  Believe me, when you look at me with those dark blue eyes, I just melt and want to hold you forever. We also love your little coos, soft dark hair, and suspicious looks.

Already you are seemingly growing too fast, yet I am looking forward to watching your little personality develop. I often wonder who is packed up your tiny little person. We'll have to see :)

Happy one month, Samuel! It's really been the best and we can't imagine life without you. Love you, buddy.

just for kicks, here's Luke's one month update.